I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
