I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
