theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
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I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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