I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
