My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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