Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
