Non-Jews are for practice
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
