I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
People with herpes should wear stickers.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
