Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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