either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
