Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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