I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
