shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
