mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize