Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize