i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
