I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Pants are for mortals
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize