dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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