the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
