Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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