Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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