I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
