I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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