he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
