Your tits are I can't wait for
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
