i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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