I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
