is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
