No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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