did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
