I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
