You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
