I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
