I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
My life is pants optional.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
