Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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