I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
