do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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