In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Be still, my beating vagina.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
