if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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