You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
