You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
