singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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