took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
