check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
My vagina just recognized that song.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
