just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
