Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
my phone needs a breathalizer
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
