Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
