The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
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Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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