I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
