you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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