I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
