Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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