I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
