she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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