My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
