I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
