U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
