i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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