I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
