Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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