She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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